Day 13: Blue

Here I Lie
As Cold As the Moon

Day 12: Moods and Dreams

Ever since I was little, everyone used to label me as their little ray of sunshine. Cheesy as it may be, they had good reason to say as such because I was possibly the one of the most calm, happy and stable persons in my family (taking well after my grandmother). I never really got angry, didn't even get too sad and upset. If I cried, it was because I was in physical pain, not because I wanted a new toy or anything of the like. In fact, when I could, I would give what I had to my brother so that he would stop crying. Things haven't changed much in that respect till date (minus the crying), but it all worked out fine back then when we were complete emotional opposites and we fed off each other...

And then we turned 15 and it all went downhill from there throwing me off balance and in turn our relationship with each other. First came a whole series of events that needn't be mentioned that eventually pushed me in the pits of depression. My moods started changing; I became angrier and more upset over everything, but having been conditioned a certain way it did not how I felt inside, because I had to show the world that I was perfectly all right. I could not talk to anyone about how I felt and that broke me in even more pieces ...and so I started rapid cycling. I felt "normal" one minute, anxious another, depressed another, and so on. All at the same time keeping it inside me and pulling a smile in front of everyone and sucking it all in, making others happy, but at least getting satisfaction from the fact that I was accomplishing something and doing what was expected of me. From being the dominating central ground for my family, I submitted even to myself. Craig noticed.

Most of it, I'm glad to say, is over. Though I still hurt when thoughts about being abandoned by those that I spent my youth trying to please come to mind... but what good does that do? I constantly ask myself that. What is the point in being unhappy? If unhappiness is all there is, then nothing is worth living for. And in that rite, I think going through all that in the past has made me stronger. I may still get moody, but they pass more quickly now; I try simply to be thankful for what I do have and so, am able to reach at least a state of contentment and ground myself enough to find an inner balance.


Question of the Day: Is it okay to just be content? Or is that not sufficient?

In other news: Kylie Minogue is coming to town. I saw the ticket prices to her concert tickets that are much more expensive than what Bjork and Madonna's concerts cost. I can buy a small island for that money!

Day 11: Historical Understanding

The above is an exhibit on neolithic life in Hong Kong; the men are supposed to be building a stilt house, though to me it looks like Jesus about to carry the cross to his crucifixion.

I love museums. Strolling through one is like having an unpaid enjoyable job. One feels much accomplished after making a trip through it! Plus they're fun. Random knowledge is always fun...for me anyway! And so, I have decided that I'm going to go through all museums in Hong Kong before I (hopefully) make my way out of the city. And believe me, they seem to make a museum out of literally anything here... there's a museum about life aboard a particular fireboat, another one about a road (Lantau Link) which is part of a tourist trap visitor centre. There's museums about tea ware (slightly understandable), international cuisine (Foods of Mankind Museum), an exhibition out about the Hong Kong public housing estates that honestly have no unique aesthetic qualities of their own, and so on. In fact, there are a total of 45 museums (including resource centres). That should keep me busy for a while.

Day 10: On Freedom

Freedom is a concept of the imagination.

Happy Election Day, America!


original image here

Day 9: The Hitch Hiker's Guide to Joo

Have you ever wondered what would be said about you if someone chose to write your biography? Or if you suddenly had an inclination to share your own story, what would you say? Would you concentrate on the more dramatic aspects of your life or just about the mundane things that were important to you, though were not particularly significant? I suppose some would find a balance, some would just go on about the mundane things in their lives like eating turnips, whist others would make their own story more salient if that is the right word.

But how much drama can one person encounter in their lives? Well I for one have too much on my own plate with my accidents and the whole family drama worthy of a soap opera, but they're not particularly nice read about. And so what is it that draws us into reading these biographies? Is it inspiration that we're seeking? Motivation perhaps? That maybe if we read about their experience and apply it to our own lives, we might be able to achieve the same goals? But why would you want that? Shouldn't you strive to set and reach your own goals? Then again, no one is unique any more. It's even a long shot to say that a thought is unique anymore...though it might be unheard of. So what does it matter anyway?

Well I don't really care honestly because biographies and autobiographies are too real for my taste. I do enjoy reading historical biographies because I am interested in their cultures and customs but I cannot be bothered to read about that random actor who has an Award under his armpit talking about eating turnips and discussing the meaning of life like he is the next Dalai Lama.

I choose, instead, to stick to fantasies and fiction: fake stories about people with extremely random, coincidental and over the top lifestyles because they're interesting... even though most of the ideas in those writings are not unique, they are still different from what I'm used to in real life and that in itself is intriguing enough, and then added to that, I start thinking "what if..." and that just gets the imagination rolling to the ends of the universe.

What if I got a letter from Hogwarts about a graduate programme they've just started?

What if I was bitten by a vampire and my best friend had a spirit of a wolf?

What if I was stuck in the middle of the universe with a lunatic as in the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy that I am reading right now. I hadn't realised how funny the book really was last time I read it! Then again, I was 13, sitting in the South Island library (that stank), completely oblivious to what the jokes were going on about. Needless to say, I only read half the book because I was so bored with it, but now I can't keep my eyes off the pages! The adventure is intriguing and it's gotten my imagination rolling and even though it's not quite the same as travelling through outer space, I've also been looking through the The Leisurely Hiker's Guide to Hong Kong and planning out my own earthly adventure this coming weekend. :oD

Also, Bookmooch has finally lifted the temporary suspension on my account for being overly active with mooches. I've already jumped on and successfully mooched Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl (which I read when I was in high school and loved) and Chinese Cinderella, and am waiting for confirmation on The Soddit: Or, Let's Cash in Again. It's funny that as much as I don't understand the need for biographies, two of these three books are just that, but then again, their lives were not normal. Any sense of normality was taken away from them. Or maybe I'm just a hypocrite :)

Question of the Day: What would be a good book to mooch?

Day 8: Inspirational Gusts

I always find it hard to feel inspired in Hong Kong. One of the reasons being that I feel most inspired artistically when I am close to nature and at first glance, one does not think of Hong Kong as the land of nature even though it's quite obviously there. In fact 60% of the land here is uninhabited, and many of the landscapes here are spectacular - sure it's not Ko Phi Phi Leh, but we are still in a tropical region and if you know where to look, the views can be just as exquisite here. And if not the views, then at least the experience alone can be breathtaking. After all, we have our very own ranges of cliffs, tropical blue waters in the north, beautiful sunrises and very dramatic sunsets, vast marsh lands, our very own (and very famous) urban jungle, and what not. We have everything. It may not be world class, it may not be picture-perfect, but the ability to go from one environment into another within mere minutes has always fascinated me. I love Hong Kong (minus the awfully rude people and boring city life).

And the city life is what I believe to be the reason of my lack of inspiration at the moment: the pollution, the rude zombies trailing the streets, and just the general vibe (or lack there of) drags me down and takes whatever energy and motivation I have away, so I do not feel like I am free enough to wander around and take in anything.

But thankfully, I have been so incredibly bored lately, that I've pushed myself to go out anyway and I cannot even begin to say how full of life I feel. The fact that I cannot use my new-found energy and inspiration because of lack of work is another matter, but the fact is, I feel like I am me again, and I feel like I know what I am capable of doing at least. And just in that spirit, I planned to go for a walk to one of the northern trails today, but because of the weather, decided to stay in the south and covered part of the Shek-O Country Park, which was - there are no better words for it - amazing.

Sure the weather was very misty because of an upcoming rain storm, but the winds were so strong that if you'd stand too close to the cliffs, they would surely knock you off. And the views were so subtle in match to the weather that the whole experience was just plain surreal. And beautiful. And if I were a talented enough photographer, I would have captured that beauty, but as it stands, most of my photographs came out misty, except for this one, which I thought looked like a Chinese painting. (provided that you look at it from a bright monitor that can show you the colour differences between the deep reds, greens and black). All in all, beautiful scenery that gave me a lot to think about. Not all of which was good, but thinking is good. At least I know where I stand.

Day 7: Swimming in Fear

Considering that I am aquaphobic, it is funny that I should feel that my "home" is on an island, and that I relate to the element Water the most - what I fear is also what I respect the most. F*cked up or wise? I don't know, it's not something that I can control...it simply is as is.

I do believe though, that fear is a way for our subconscious mind to protect ourselves from harm: I am ophidiophobic (as well) because I was bitten, people are afraid of heights because...well one would imagine that it's a bad thing to fall to one's death!... Fear is therefore healthy I think as long as you don't let it overrule you and as long as you can come to terms with it, respect it for what it is and why it is there. I may be afraid of deep water (well drowning, specifically), but it is my body's way of protecting me based on past experiences (i.e. nearly drowning at the hands of that awful swimming teacher in South Island). Snakes on the other hand... well I let that fear overrule me. I do not respect them and wish they would all die and burn in hell...so I know it is not a healthy fear because it limits me greatly as I am even afraid to look at images of the slithery sh*ts. But it's getting better... I saw a whole episode of Survivor this morning that showed very long fill-in shots of 3 species of snakes in Gabon without flinching.

But anyway, back to water... I grew up on an island in the middle of a heavy typhoon zone. If there is one thing I know, it's how dangerous water can be and yet it calms me; I am fascinated by it. I don't know why. But keeping with that spirit, my cousin and I decided to take the yacht and go sailing for a few hours in the western and southern waters this afternoon. The weather was perfect with very high gusts of wind and very choppy waters closer to the harbour. In the south, the water was fairly fresh and we even went swimming for a while in the shallow waters around an island in the East Lamma channel. It was just the two of us, an endless body of water and a fairly isolated island behind us with an empty beach...all in all, it was a perfectly relaxing day. Hong Kong does have its little paradises...you just have to find them :)

And no, this photo does not show the paradise goodness of Hong Kong. I did not take my camera with me today because I wanted to enjoy the day through my own eyes instead of the lens for a change...it's the best I could do of the 4 photos I took in total.